8-30-13

I'm insecure. I'm shy. I'm short tempered. I doubt. I lie to myself. These are all the reasons why I can't. But no one cares :) < that is a sarcastic smile.

8-28-13

I'm tired. But I've gotta clean my room tonight. So I'm going to stay for a while and do that. Find something to listen to cd wise. I'm losing my mind, did ya know? I spend all this time thinking about Joe and I don't think that he thinks about me at all if I'm not texting him or at work talking to him. It hurts. Liking a guy more than he likes you always hurts. I know, I've done. All I've done is do it. Every guy I've like in the past has been that way. I am not sure what I should do. I keep telling myself that I should just stop texting him and see if he says anything about it, but damn it every time I turn around I'm texting him again. I've got poor will power when it comes to this sort of thing.

8-23-13

Took a nice walk today. My knee gave me some trouble but I survived. I need to clean my room tonight but first I might go to the store and grab a soda or something because I'm tired. :s I have to work at 8 in the morning tomorrow. Staying up late to clean my room tonight might not be the best idea in the world but I think I might do it anyway.

8-21-13

I believe in God and I believe he created me. But when I say I create myself I mean something different then "creation." I mean that how I act changes me in the view of others. I create myself in how I act.

I was talking about a Doctor Who tattoo I wanted. That had Bad Wolf with the DW being the Doctor Who style DW and under that it would say I create myself. I posted that on Facebook and one of my friends said that I don't create myself. That's not what I mean! In terms of Doctor Who and the scene with Rose as the Bad Wolf, I create myself.

8-18-13

I feel like I am going to be sick. My emotions got the better of me again and led me down another dead end I think. This whole thing with Joe was a bad idea to begin with. I can't believe I bought into it. He's such a nice guy but we're too different I think. Not to mention my damaged psyche is just a pain in the ass for anyone to deal with much less a guy who's already got enough on his plate as it is. I need to step back from this because it's going to hurt a lot if I keep going.

8-18-13

I'm lost. I don't feel like I know where I'm going anymore. I've always had a goal in the future that I was aiming for. Getting a out of the hospital, walking, driving, getting a job, going to Paris. Now I just don't know what to aim for. I'm mean sure I've got the goal of getting out of debt, and moving into an apartment, all that. But all of that seems like they are long term goals, I don't have any short term goals. Anything to keep my head turned in the right direction.

Then this whole thing with grandma is sending me into a tail spin. I'm so hurt, I can't believe how little my own grandmother actually knows me.

8-16-13

Quit Discovery. I just couldn't handle it. It was stressing me out so much. I was feeling sick all the time, I was tired all the time, I kept having to change schedules at Home Depot and so it was risking my job over there I think. I'm going to be happier back down to one job. Paying off bills isn't worth that stress.

8-11-13

I work at Discovery today from 11 to 7. Hurray. Though their schedule confuses me. I know I need this job but I wish I had a job that had a regular schedule.

8-5-13

Today I work at The Depot and then I go on lunch and go to my orientation at Discovery. I was freaking out because I was scheduled to work at Home Depot when I was supposed to be going to my orientation at Discovery. So I talked to Margarito about it and he said just take an hour lunch and if it's going to take longer than an hour just call them and tell them and they'll just take care of it then. He's left word with the Head Cashier that he approved this and I am very very thankful. Cause I need both jobs badly.

8-4-13

I really am scared about this. I'm so bad at not looking before I fall. Now I'm wondering if I haven't stepped into another heart break. I think I might need to take a step back and see what happens.

On another note. I went to Stephanie's wedding and that was really nice, I also went and saw Star Trek: Into Darkness and that was fantastic. I'm starting to get really into star trek. I want to watch the original series, and next gen, and voyager, and deep space nine, and the wrath of Khan. I want to become a Trekkie. :)