10-19-13

I'm managing to maybe kind of back off a little bit. I don't think I'm being as suffocating as I was. But it still worries me. In other news I think I'm starting to get the hang of this budgeting thing.

10-9-13

I've becoming to reliant on talking things out with Jake. When he's not around and I'm falling to pieces I don't know what to do anymore. These things happen more than they should. I shouldn't let myself get so wrapped up in someone else.

10-2-13

I'm still having trouble getting out of my own head. I'm having difficulty dealing with my grandma lately. I just want to get away really. I'm so tired. This weekend will be a nice time for me. I won't be getting away but everyone else will be gone so it'll almost be like getting away because I'll have the whole house to myself. It'll be really really nice.

Now I want to talk about Jake. I think I did it again. I think I scared a possible friend off by being a psycho. I get to talk to the counselor tomorrow and we'll see how I am feeling after that.

9-29-13

Me and Emmalee went to the Pregnancy crisis center benefit dinner last night. That was a load of fun. I texted Jake and apologized for the other day when I was talking to him about self hatred. I said that I felt like I was really judgmental and I was sorry. He said it was okay. That he's had plenty of advice and that he can't be helped. I just said that I didn't believe that but we could agree to disagree. He didn't reply.

9-27-13

Well Emmalee had to cancel dinner tonight so that was a bummer. So anyways, I'm just going to spend the night being bored. I am hoping to talk to Jake again.

9-27-13

I'm feeling pretty good. I am having dinner with Emmalee tonight. That's pretty cool. Let's see what else...oh I told Jake I was in love with him when I moved away. That was fun. We haven't really talked since then but we'll just have to see what happens. I want to drive up to Washington and visit him. But at this point I have no money to stay in a hotel. Maybe that's what I'll do next summer. Hopefully by then I'll be in a little bit of a better financial state.

9-22-13

I'm feeling pretty awesome right now. I had a down couple of days and I had to come to terms with the fact that my head isn't screwed on quite right so I may need some psychological help. Jake was my anchor through all of it. He's becoming a strong point for me. It's actually kind of frightening just because I know that usually about the time I find something to latch onto is about the time it gets pulled out from under me. That's the way it has been in the past anyways.

Jake scares me. He's so unpredictable and he has always brought strong feelings out of me. For as long as I've know him it's been that way. But not all the feelings are positive per say. I just don't want to get burned again.